Saturday 18th May 2024,
The Hoop Doctors

Russell Westbrook Claims He’s Never Shaved a Day in His Life

Russell Westbrook

Russell Westbrook must save a ton of money on razors, shaving cream and aftershave.

During a quick-hit interview with Maxim, Westbrook was asked to identify his favorite shaver, to which he responded (h/t Ball Don’t Lie):

“I have never shaved a day in my life. I just don’t really grow facial hair.”

Well, lucky him. Shaving is a bitch. It’s everyday, sometimes twice a day, if you go places that matter. I couldn’t stop growing facial hair in high school, and it was annoying. I shaved every night before I went to bed, and every morning before I went back to school. It sucked, and it hurt, and my face was always oily and breaking out in random pimples/ingrown hairs.

Seriously, fuck shaving.

Then again, I’m a hair removal-obsessed millennial who shaves everything. My friends make fun of me for it, but I don’t care. Hair below the eyebrows sucks. It just does. Something happened a few years ago and I stopped growing facial hair altogether. It wasn’t laser hair removal, it just stopped, gradually and then permanently. I’ve been told this could have been brought on by stress or some crap. I don’t know. Don’t care, either. Hopefully it’s not the sign of a bigger problem. If it is, oh well. I love not having to shave my face.

(Dismounts oddly shaped soap box.)

If you really look at pictures of Westbrook, you’re compelled to believe him. You can see traces of hair on almost anyone who shaves, even those with super fine fuzzies or super light follicles. You can just tell they shave. Westbrook’s face looks smooth beyond reason, and an extensive Google search will show there isn’t a picture of him sporting a beard or mustache or peach fuzz of any kind.

Hopefully Westbrook realizes how good he has it, or maybe he’s sad that he can’t grow a beard. I know I used to feel that way, until I could grow a beard, at which point my fast-growing facial hair made me the anti-facial hair mongrel I am today.

Again, fuck shaving.

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