Take note, kids. Milk doesn’t build strong muscles; working out with LeBron James in the seventh circle of hell does.
While filming a new Miami Heat introduction video for this upcoming regular season, LeBron can be seen working out under all sorts of ridiculous conditions. There’s fire, eery looking walls and, if you look really closely, you can even spot a fake corpse or 20. In fact, this doesn’t so much resemble a workout as it does an escape.
Check out some pictures from his exercise gone wild, courtesy of USA Today‘s For The Win:
I broke out in a sweat just watching him. And I still can’t figure out whether he saved Princess Fiona from the dragon or not.
Kidding aside, don’t try this at home. You’ll probably set fire to your house or—hell, who am I fooling? You’re not going to try this at home. Unlike the King, you probably can’t even pick up that tire. Go ahead. Try it. I double-dare you.
Didn’t think so.
Now that we’ve moved on from that tangent, I feel obligated to tell you that you need to see this video whenever it’s released. If you’re like me and don’t live in the Miami area, and are therefore unable to attend games at the ready, you’ll be thankful for the invention of YouTube. Because this looks completely amazing.
I want to see the edited version more than I want to Gravity. Alright, so maybe that’s not entirely true, but you get the point.
Hopefully footage of his teammates doing the damn workout will surface too. Dwyane Wade is pretty fit, so he could handle it. I do worry that Chris Bosh’s head may graze the top of some of the flames, though. I’m also worried Ray Allen might faint and crumble beneath the weight of that tire. Or that his lanky arms would fall off while using the rope.
Which of LeBron’s teammates could pull of the perspiring shirtless look like he did? That’s the real question we should be asking ourselves about this totally staged, completely fake workout that I wish was a real thing.
Greg Oden certainly shouldn’t be a part of it. Not really because of the shirt thing, but because he shouldn’t be exerting himself in any way, shape or form. That includes a controlled pit of death like this one. Knowing his luck, the tire would fall on his foot causing him to stumble backwards and into the flames. Or something like that.
Credit the Heat here with a great intro concept here. Those videos shown right before games or the starting lineups are announced can be so boring and predictable. But not theirs. LeBron and the Heat can be seen setting a new standard for workout regimes, one incredibly dangerous, obnoxiously flammable, partially clothed weight-lifting session at a time.
Dan Favale is a firm believer in the three-pointer as well as the notion that defense doesn’t always win championships. His musings can be found at Bleacherreport.com in addition to TheHoopDoctors.com. Follow @danfavale on Twitter for his latest posts and all things NBA.