Tonight, a bunch of bouncing ping-pong balls will decide the drafting fates of the NBA teams who did not qualify for the postseason. The draft lottery process itself isn’t much to watch; we are introduced to the folks representing each franchise, explained the rules again, take a few hundred commercial breaks, and then watch for any particularly goofy reactions when each respective number is being called. Yeah, it’s sort of like bingo.
No matter, because the results of this year’s draft lottery remain important, as Kentucky star Anthony Davis sits atop the big board for that lucky winning franchise to build around. Hope springs eternal at the NBA draft lottery, and while only one can win, here’s a reason each team should win the ping-pong championship.
Rockets. Because they pretty much got screwed out of Pau Gasol during The Chris Paul Trade That Wasn’t, and if you believe in karma, it should be making its way back around to Houston.
Suns. Because Steve Nash could bring out the best in Anthony Davis’s offensive game.
Bucks. Because the ghosts of Yi Jianlian and Joe Alexander would just like to keep the decision simple for Milwaukee. Also, they need a center and Davis’s versatility would be awesome with the new, free-wheeling tempo Brandon Jennings and Monta Ellis can play at.
Blazers. Because we hope they aren’t cursed and at least there’s a clear-cut number one choice this time around, instead of 1a and 1b?
Hornets. Because having two lottery picks can change the momentum of an entire franchise, and New Orleans already has a quiet little good thing brewing. Just imagine the good tidings that will come when they get a new nickname.
Pistons. Because they don’t have enough tall, lanky players yet.
Raptors. Because they’re also slowly going in the right direction, and the top pick would finally warrant some, any, attention. I’ve always been a fan of the nickname, though.
Warriors. Because, despite what you may think, landing former top pick Andrew Bogut in a midseason trade still does not count as “winning the lottery.”
Nets. Because OH MY GOD THEY’RE MOVING TO BROOKLYN HOW EXCITING IS THAT? Also, they’re a pretty bad team and Deron Williams isn’t sticking around.
Kings. Because then the spotlight shifts directly to the Maloof brothers and their ongoing attempts to destroy basketball in Sacramento. That would be completely comfortable and enjoyable for everyone involved.
Cavaliers. Because even though they scored big in last year’s draft, you could argue the Basketball Gods still owe Cleveland much, much more.
Wizards. Because Washington is trying to build something the right way, and another big like Davis for John Wall to work with is another small step in the right direction.
Bobcats. Because after a 7-win season, it just doesn’t seem right that they wouldn’t be choosing first. Then again, maybe that would be the Draft Lottery’s attempt at black comedy.
Griffin Gotta contributes to The Hoop Doctors and is a co-managing editor of Straight Outta Vancouver on SB Nation. The story arcs and infinite weirdness of the NBA are addictions he deals with every day. Email him at griffingotta at gmail dot com.
