Allow me to tell you a secret. Injuries suck.
The NBA has been a hotbed for injuries and sad storylines early on, and it sucks and blows simultaneously. So, too, does the whole early-season confusion. There is so much inconsistency around the Association this time of year. Good teams aren’t good, bad teams aren’t bad, the Philadelphia 76ers have yet to lose more games than they’ve played, the Sacramento Kings are above .500, the Cleveland Cavaliers haven’t won the November Finals.
It’s madness.
Eventually that trend will flame out. In the meantime, you’re cautioned against making snap judgments on injury-ravaged rosters and generally sucky starts. There is a lot of basketball left to play. Teams will inevitably reveal themselves for who they really are.
Until then, we rank. With power. We power rank.
*Welcome back to The Hoop Doctors’ PG-13 NBA Power Rankings, where almost anything goes. Language may sometimes not be suitable for those reading at work, in which case I recommend you don’t read these aloud or you get a new job. Like most PG-13 movies, we’ll permit one F-bomb per post. Those devoid of a sense of humor need not proceed.
***For a week by week list of all our NBA Power Rankings this season, please visit this page.
NBA Power Rankings
1
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Houston Rockets
Had you told me two months ago that the Rockets would spend at least two weeks atop the power rankings, I may—this is to say, most definitely would—have had you committed. |
Last Week (1)
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2
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Memphis Grizzlies
Grizzlies basketball is the ugliest basketball. I love it. |
Last Week (3)
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3
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Golden State Warriors
The Warriors are doing that thing where they make us believe. Let’s hope they don’t proceed to do that other thing where they make us regret it. |
Last Week (2)
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4
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San Antonio Spurs
Good faith-ing on the Spurs here. Have to. They ripped apart Golden State. They deserve it. |
Last Week (4)
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5
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Miami Heat
LeBron James will lead the Heat to a third title at some—HOLY SHIT, LEBRON ISN’T ON THIS TEAM AND THEY’RE MAKING A TOP-FIVE APPEARANCE?!?!?!? |
Last Week (8)
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6
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Chicago Bulls
Derrick Rose cares about life after basketball, specifically with his family? OFF WITH HIS HEAD. |
Last Week (7)
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7
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Toronto Raptors
My word this offense is good. Second in efficiency at the moment. If that lasts, well, watch out for the Raptors. |
Last Week (11)
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8
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Cleveland Cavaliers
Another good faith pick here, since power rankings have to consider future standings too. The Cavaliers’ offense is already really good. Just wait until it’s face-smacking, ass-kicking, nuts-nuking great. |
Last Week (15)
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9
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Dallas Mavericks
Trouble may be afoot in Dallas. The Mavs offense is fine. Incredible, even. But their defense is baaaaad. |
Last Week (5)
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10
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Portland Trail Blazers
Damian Lillard hasn’t been setting fire to opponents like usual. Kudos to the Blazers for surviving his slow start…for now. |
Last Week (13)
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11
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Washington Wizards
When Bradley Beal returns, oh my god, this team should explode. |
Last Week (11)
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12
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Los Angeles Clippers
Why yes, it is time for the Clippers to panic. |
Last Week (6)
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13
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Phoenix Suns
Phoenix’s defense is performing better than its offense. That’s a problem. Part of me blames Goran Dragic. All of me is sad. |
Last Week (9)
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14
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New Orleans Pelicans
Anthony Davis continues to leave us in a perpetual state of “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiit. Did that just happen?” |
Last Week (16)
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15
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Sacramento Kings
All is right with the world. The Kings aren’t dominating. Kendrick Perkins is going to be ecstatic. |
Last Week (10)
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16
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Brooklyn Nets
Joe Johnson may hate his teammates, but the Nets are in good shape—provided Deron Williams and Brook Lopez don’t injure themselves on a salsa-dancing Saturday. |
Last Week (18)
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17
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Boston Celtics
Boston is playing .500 basketball while surviving injuries and the league’s toughest schedule. Impressive. |
Last Week (21)
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18
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Atlanta Hawks
Thought this might be the year when the Hawks’ ascension out of mediocrity began. It seems I was so, so wrong. |
Last Week (17)
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19
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Milwaukee Bucks
Greek Freak is starting to do things outside being Greek-y and Freaky.
P.S. John Henson needs more burn. |
Last Week (25)
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20
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Utah Jazz
Trey Burke is making me look like an over-enthusiastic asshole. Hope that changes. |
Last Week (24)
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21
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Charlotte Hornets
Can the Hornets borrow the Clippers’ panic button for a moment? |
Last Week (23)
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22
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Minnesota Timberwolves
Too bad Rick Rubio went down. This team was primed to surprise people all year. |
Last Week (20)
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23
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Orlando Magic
Watching Elfrid Payton and Evan Fournier operate on both ends of the floor has been a treat. Victor Oladipo should only make this team more exciting. |
Last Week (29)
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24
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Oklahoma City Thunder
[Insert your own assessment of the Thunder here because I’m currently busy writing my farewell letter to Reggie Jackson.] |
Last Week (22)
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25
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New York Knicks
One word: FreakingAwfulDirectionlessOffense. |
Last Week (16)
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26
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Los Angeles Lakers
There goes all the “Lakers will be 0-for-Christmas” jokes. VICTORY IS BYRON’S. |
Last Week (28)
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27
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Denver Nuggets
No matter how fast the Nuggets run, it hasn’t changed the fact that they’re traveling toward the middle of nowhere. |
Last Week (19)
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28
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Detroit Pistons
Josh Smith’s passing, rebounding and defense has been solid. His shot selection, however, is suffering from a bad case of the Josh Smiths. |
Last Week (27)
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29
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Indiana Pacers
#ChrisCopelandForPresident |
Last Week (28)
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30
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Philadelphia 76ers
“Winless through seven games? Drinks, appetizers and discounted escorts on me!!!!!” -Sam Hinkie |
Last Week (30)
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