Golden State Warriors

I had a dream that the Warriors dropped out of the top spot. Then I woke up, and promptly smacked myself silly as punishment for such inexplicable dreaming.

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Here’s what you need to know: Boban Marjanovic has a higher PER than Stephen Curry, and the Spurs are still really good.

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Now that Kyrie Irving is back, the Cavaliers have essentially secured their ticket to the NBA Finals…in mid-January. Is that good? I feel like it’s good.

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Just when you thought the Clippers defense and bench, along with Blake Griffin’s durability, had betrayed them beyond repair, they start playing like a top-five team.

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Kevin Durant still sometimes doesn’t get featured down the stretch of close games. This seems problematic.

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Atlanta Hawks

Look at these Hawks, flying under the radar, still within striking distance of a 50 victories and a top-two playoff seed.

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Toronto Raptors

In the last All-Star returns, DeMarre Carroll, who is now expected to miss six to eight weeks, had collected more votes than Paul Millsap.

Touche, Toronto.

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Chicago Bulls

Head coach Fred Hoiberg has struggled to find minutes for Nikola Mirotic at the 4, and it shows. It’s only going to get more difficult with Joakim Noah back from his shoulder injury. The Bulls, in summation, need to make a trade or two.

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Will the real Indiana Pacers please stand up?

No?

Um, OK, we’ll just sit here in the dark and wait then.

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Miami Heat

The Heat are playing uninspired basketball of late—the kind that makes you wonder if they’ve peaked, which was always a colossal caveat with this roster.

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Zaza Pachulia is the second-best player on a top-five Western Conference squad.

Think about that.

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Until the Pistons piece together a viable NBA bench, their up-and-down season will continue. Fortunately for them, that should be enough to get them into the playoffs.

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Boston Celtics

The Celtics offense implodes when Isaiah Thomas isn’t on the floor. They need more shooting, and perhaps, at this point, a superstar to push them over the edge.

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Houston Rockets

The Rockets’ climb back to above-.500 basketball is almost complete. We just have to see if this time, unlike last time, they’ll rise above .500 and never look back.

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New York Knicks

Update: The Knicks still lead the league in “OH MY GOD THIS TEAM COULD BE GREAT BUT IT COULD ALSO SUCK SOMETHING AWFUL WELL MAYBE IT’S JUST MEDIOCRE” proclamations.

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I am simultaneously high and low on the Magic’s postseason stock. This, naturally, makes no sense, and I have no explanation. Orlando’s defense is just too hot-and-cold, and its offense is too cold-cold-cold-hot-cold-cold-cold.

Last Week (16)

Washington Wizards

Here come the Wizards. Sort of. Their defense appears to be stabilizing; Otto Porter is shooting better; and some wins are starting to accumulate.

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Memphis Grizzlies

The Grizzlies are the only above-.500 team with a negative net rating.

WUT.

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Utah Jazz

Why does Lady Luck hate the Jazz?

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Charlotte Hornets

Injuries have slowed down the Hornets after an incredibly impressive start. Well that, and the’re also regressing to the mean after said unsustainably impressive start.

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Sacramento Kings

With nearly half the season in the books, the Kings are only two games back of their first playoff berth in 10 years. I fully expect them to get backcrap aggressive ahead of the Feb. 18 trade deadline and go all-in on grabbing that first-round exit.

Last Week (22)

Portland Trail Blazers

Damian Lillard has half of a Steph Curry gene.

Last Week (21)

Denver Nuggets

Talk about your frontcourt logjams. If the Nuggets are fully invested in Nikola Jokic, Joffrey Lauvergne and Jusuf Nurkic, they’ll need to start fielding trade offers for Danilo Gallinari and Kenneth Faried.

Last Week (23)

Milwaukee Bucks

Last season the Bucks ranked fourth in points allowed per 100 possessions. This season they’re 29th. Greg Monroe isn’t at the heart of their defensive lapses, but I can’t help wonder if they might be better off trading him.

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New Orleans Pelicans

Remember when we thought the Pelicans were knocking on the door to the Western Conference’s elite-team cafeteria?

That was funny.

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Los Angeles Lakers

There’s something poetically fitting about the Lakers admitting they’ve given up on winning until Kobe Bryant leaves.

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Minnesota Timberwolves

This might be a tad over the top, but whenever I watch the Timberwolves’ shot selection, I typically vomit uncontrollably.

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Last Week (29)

Brooklyn Nets

After canning Lionel Hollins and reassigning Billy King, Mikhail Prokhorov hopes that the Nets can be contenders again next season.

LOL.

Last Week (28)

Are Ben Simmons Suns jerseys a thing yet?

Last Week (30)