Wednesday 15th May 2024,

NBA Power Rankings: Pacers Go Bonkers, Warriors Are For Real

admin November 12, 2013 Blogs 2 Comments

Expectations are a funny thing.

Did I say funny? Sorry, I meant to say that expectations are a cruel-hearted, unshaven bastard. Especially in the NBA.

Early on, we cannot escape them. They’re with us always. Always, always, always. And they screw around with our power rankings.

At heart, weekly evaluations should be impulsive and read too much into one week of basketball. And to an extent, they do. But always lingering off to the side like that asthmatic kid playing pocket billiards at a school dance, are those expectations.

The Miami Heat are the reigning NBA champions and supposed to be good, so we’re not allowed to panic about their poor start. The Philadelphia 76ers are supposed to horrendous, so we cannot glean anything valuable from their improbable run of .500 basketball. Monta Ellis is going to miss all his shots eventually, so we’re not allowed to get excited.

We cannot look at each week in the NBA as if it existed in a vacuum. We just can’t. Those who claim they can, they’re imbeciles. Or worse, they’re from New Jersey.

Human nature forces us to always look at the big picture and compare everything that’s happened against what was supposed to happen. Not until a certain point of the season are we open to shifting the standards of everyone.

Which brings me to my next point: What follows is about more than what’s transpired in the last week.

Although I try to weight one week as heavily as possible, I still find myself falling into the broader-picture trap. I’m not going to put the Phoenix Suns at No. 2 or the New York Knicks at No. 29; I know that’s not who they are.

I also know that you understand what I’m talking about, so there’s no need for me to explain any further.

Without any additional procrastination, we’re off. Be sure to have an extra pair of tighty whities handy, because it’s going to be a flatulent ride.

**Welcome back to The Hoop Doctor’s PG-13 NBA Power Rankings, where almost anything goes. Language may sometimes not be suitable for those reading at work, in which case I recommend you don’t read these aloud or you get a new job. Like most PG-13 movies, we’ll permit one F-bomb per post. Those devoid of a sense of humor need not proceed.

***For a week by week list of all our NBA Power Rankings this season, please visit this page.

NBA Power Rankings

1

Indiana Pacers

Is it wrong that I still don’t believe in them? Clearly, they’re the biggest threat to the Heat. And clearly, they’re good. But their offense outside of Paul George and Lance Stephenson sucks. They play postseason basketball, and that’s going to catch up with them in the regular season. Eventually. I think. Right? Guys? Guys????

Last Week (1)

2

San Antonio Spurs

Spurs take the court. Spurs score the basketball. Coach Pop rests his stars. Spurs win big. Lather, rinse, repeat.

Last Week (2)

3

Oklahoma City Thunder

Kevin Durant! And Reggie Jackson! Steven Adams, too! Oklahoma City is playing great basketball and Russell Westbrook is throwing temper tantrums again. All is right with the world.

Last Week (3)

4

Golden State Warriors

They just might be the best 4-3 team. Ever. Health permitting, they can dominate on both sides of the ball. Jermaine O’Neal for MVP and stuff.

Last Week (1)

5

Minnesota Timberwolves

Suck it, David Kahn. This team is good. Even in most of their losses, they look good. Enjoy your time at the top while you can though, Minny. Health is bound to catch up with these T-Wolves. Maybe. And Kevin Martin has to miss at some point. Maybe.

Last Week (3)

6

Los Angeles Clippers

Doc Rivers’ Clippers play defense about as frequently as members of Club Celibate fournicate. In other words, I don’t believe in them.

Last Week (7)

7

Phoenix Suns

I’m at a loss for words, which hasn’t happened since my tongue was down your mom’s, sister’s or girlfriend’s throat. Phoenix is playing well. Against good teams. Shall we (re)set the over/under at 35 wins?

Last Week (17)

8

Miami Heat

LeBron James is right: Their defense has been shit. But the Heat have still been the second-best team in the Eastern Conference. In other news, the Eastern Conference is shit.

Last Week (5)

9

Portland Trail Blazers

Above-average offense? Check. Mediocre defense? Check. Superior ball movement? Check again. Prediction: Portland doesn’t make the playoffs.

Last Week (12)

10

Dallas Mavericks

I believe in Monta Ellis. That said, Bruce Wayne believed in Harvey Dent. Look how that turned out.

Last Week (14)

11

Chicago Bulls

Derrick Rose has been wildly inefficient and the Bulls’ offense is terrible. But, Carlos Boozer!

Last Week (10)

12

Houston Rockets

Dwight Howard cannot shoot free throws, James Harden’t won’t play defense and the Rockets are 0-3 against 2013 playoff teams. Consider this a gift of epic proportions, Houston.

Last Week (8)

13

Atlanta Hawks

Thought about putting the Hawks lower. Probably should have put them lower. But I didn’t put them lower. They’re one of only three Eastern Conference teams over .500; they deserve this spot…for now.

Last Week (22)

14

Philadelphia 76ers

Let it be known that I almost put them in the top 10, just because their four wins are four more than anyone projected them to have through eight games.

Last Week (9)

15

Boston Celtics

After the Spurs and Pacers, the Celtics have the longest-winning streak in the NBA. Four dubyas in a row? Without Rajon Rondo? Welcome to Tankers Tanking Wrong.

Last Week (30)

16

Los Angeles Lakers

Los Angeles hasn’t had the easiest of schedules, yet .500 is still within reach. Too bad Steve Nash is old, Kobe Bryant injured and Nick Young just plain erratic.

Last Week (15)

17

New Orleans Pelicans

On paper, the Pelicans look like they can score. To date, they’ve done everything but.

Last Week (23)

18

Cleveland Cavaliers

Couple tough losses laced with a couple gritty wins. If there was a “Shit, We’re Confused” award, the Cavs would be the early favorites.

Last Week (21)

19

Memphis Grizzlies

Their defense is beginning to catch up to their offense, in that it’s been atrocious. Uh-oh.

Last Week (16)

20

Washington Wizards

At what point do we start talking about Bradley Beal having a higher ceiling than John Wall?

Last Week (26)

21

Charlotte Bobcats

Kemba Walker and Michael Kidd-Gilchrist are looking pretty good. Once Al Jefferson returns to form, this team will be really, really, really, really, really, OK.

Last Week (28)

22

Brooklyn Nets

Somehow, I’m overrating them. Brooklyn is obviously built for the playoffs, but someone should tell Coach Jason Kidd the Nets have to get there first.

Last Week (13)

23

New York Knicks

Who’s worse, Clippers owner Donald Sterling or Knicks owner James Dolan? I’m rolling with the latter. At least Sterling doesn’t care if he wins. Dolan, meanwhile, wants to both manage his team like a fuckin’ smuck and expect them to win. Oh, but yeah, the Knicks defense has problems and they still need a No. 2. They might also be wasting the best version of Carmelo Anthony we’ve ever seen. True (and pathetic) story.

Last Week (11)

24

Milwaukee Bucks

Move over, mediocrity. The Bucks are sick of getting in bed with you. They’re ready to take their talents elsewhere. Perhaps to the land of Totally Crappy.

Last Week (27)

25

Toronto Raptors

Bloody hell, I’m indifferent to the Raptors. Nothing they’ve done convinces me they’re headed in the right direction. We’ll always have the night Tyler Hansbrough frowned his way to 23 points against the Jazz, though.

Last Week (20)

26

Orlando Magic

Would love to see what this team’s offense looks like with Tobias Harris. Would also like to see what Blake Lively looks like naked in person. Sometimes, things just don’t work out.

Last Week (19)

27

Detroit Pistons

Everything about this team is middling. Except, of course, their defense, which is absolutely awful. Sad part is, the Pistons actually thought they built themselves a winner.