Golden State Warriors

The Warriors hung 120 points on the Spurs, who are considered the lone threat to their throne, and who deploy the best defense since Bill Russell’s Celtics. Because, Warriors.

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It’s not all doom and gloom after losing by 30 points to Golden State. The Spurs are still one of the best teams ever and might be able to combat the Warriors’ superhuman shot selection over the course of a seven-game series.

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WHAT’S UP, TORONTO? The Raptors are going streaking. Shout out to their top-10 defense, and Kyle Lowry’s godliness.

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There is an alternate universe in which this Thunder team lords over the rest of the Western Conference. In this universe, though, the Spurs and Warriors exist, so…

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Give me the Hawks over every Eastern Conference squad not named the Cavaliers and Raptors of any day of any week of any month.

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Cleveland Cavaliers

Firing David Blatt during the middle of the season was a dumbass move. The Cavaliers are not going to rival the Spurs or Warriors this season, and either should have canned him last offseason or this coming summer. They’re already back to their bizarre ways, having been slaughtered by the slumping Bulls and almost falling to the inexperienced, albeit scrappy, Timberpups to start the Tyronn Lue era.

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Boston Celtics

Well it looks like the Celtics are, once again, flirting with the notion that they’re on the cusp of elite-level basketball. They’ll probably shit on this idea in the coming days or weeks, because that’s how they’ve been rolling, but they’ve nevertheless been a revelation of late.

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Los Angeles Clippers

Losses to the Cavaliers and Raptors showed how much the Clippers need Blake Griffin. But they aren’t going to get Blake Griffin. Because, according to ESPN.com’s Ramona Shelburne and Marc Stein, Blake Griffin will miss a few more weeks after suffering a broken hand during an “undisclosed team-related incident.”

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Reggie Jackson-Andre Drummond pick-and-rolls all day, every day.

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Houston Rockets

Over their last 10 games, the Rockets are 7-3 and own what equates to the second-best offensive rating in the NBA.

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Paul George is tired. Monta Ellis is roller coaster-ing. C.J. Miles has gone ice cold. Myles Turner is a first-year dynamo. Indiana’s early-season offense was a mirage.

What a time to be a Pacers fan.

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Meet the Chicago Bulls, the official seesaw provider of the NBA.

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Memphis Grizzlies

Just give in to the Grizzlies already. They are not a contender, and their net rating is almost as bad as the Pelicans’, but they’re finding ways to win. They are comfortably above .500 and, for the moment, have moved into the West’s No. 5 playoff seed.

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Dallas Mavericks

Somehow, someway, the Mavericks’ defense is statistically superior to their offense.

WUT.

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Miami Heat

Last week’s writeup still applies: “Aaaaand the award for ‘NBA Team That Could Feasibly Make the Conference Finals But Also Miss the Playoffs Entirely’ goes to the Heat.”

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Charlotte Hornets

I have no idea what the Hornets are—other than 1.5 games outside the East’s playoff bubble.

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Sacramento Kings

DeMarcus Cousins has entered Wilt Chamberlain mode.

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Portland Trail Blazers

After cutting ties with four of last season’s five starters, the Blazers have a better net rating than nearly half of the NBA and are just one game outside the playoff picture.

Exactly what we were all expecting, right?

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Washington Wizards

Food for thought: The Wizards are, according to Basketball-Reference, statistically better on both ends of the floor without Bradley Beal.

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New York Knicks

Once upon a time, the Knicks had a stout perimeter defense. Now is not that time.

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Utah Jazz

Derrick Favors’ return, though only one game new, has yet to inject life into the free-falling Jazz. Their desire to let the kiddies grow is admirable to a degree, but you have to wonder if they should start thinking about wheeling and dealing ahead of the trade deadline so that they can capitalize on the chaotic Western Conference power structure.

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Denver Nuggets

My basketball crushes on Will Barton and Nikola Jokic strengthen with each passing game.

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New Orleans Pelicans

More Toney Douglas-Jrue Holiday backcourt lineups please. OK? Thanks.

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Orlando Magic

A six-game losing streak is crapping all over the Magic’s postseason hopes. Their defense has been OK, but the offense is an incohesive ball of poo.

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Minnesota Timberwolves

Still vomit whenever I watch the Timberwolves’ shot selection. But the ‘pups are mostly fun to watch, and they’re good for giving elite teams a legitimate scare every now and then.

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Milwaukee Bucks

Greg Monroe needs to go, if only so the Bucks can salvage last year’s identity.

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Philadelphia 76ers

Will Jahlil Okafor ever play defense? Asking for a friend.

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Brooklyn Nets

It’s going to be lit when the Nets shell out max money this summer for Kent Bazemore.

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Los Angeles Lakers

As the Luke Walton head-coaching era comes to an end in Oakland, it’s about time the Lakers’ kitchen staff starts thinking about how he likes his organic chocolate milk prepared.

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No Eric Bledsoe. No Brandon Knight.

Here’s to lots of Devin Booker and Archie Goodwin.

As well as way too much Ronnie Price.

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