Thou shall fear no evil, because the NBA power rankings are here to save the day.
It’s been forever since we last saw each other. Like, a whole week or something. A lot has happened since then.
The Warriors are clearly tanking, trying to avoid a first-round dance with the Thunder; the Nuggets fired Brian Shaw, because duh; James Harden kicked LeBron James in the balls, because duh again; Russell Westbrook is a human nuclear missile on steroids; life hates the Bulls; the Pacers are going streaking; and Andrew Wiggins has turned the race for Rookie of the Year into the chase for Andrew Wiggins of the Year.
Almost needless to say, though not quite, there has been a lot of movement. We’re here to break it all down for you, both succinctly and awesomely. That’s what we do.
To the power rankings hovercraft!
*Welcome back to The Hoop Doctors’ PG-13 NBA Power Rankings, where almost anything goes. Language may sometimes not be suitable for those reading at work, in which case I recommend you don’t read these aloud or you get a new job. Like most PG-13 movies, we’ll permit one F-bomb per post. Those devoid of a sense of humor need not proceed.
***For a week by week list of all our NBA Power Rankings this season, please visit this page.
NBA Power Rankings
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Atlanta HawksAtlanta. Best team in the NBA. Board the bandwagon. |
 Last Week (2) |
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Golden State WarriorsLast week we called the Warriors untouchable. We may have jinxed them. More likely, they’re just going all Spurs, playing half-assed basketball, so that they’re healthy as can be in the postseason. |
 Last Week (1) |
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Memphis GrizzliesMemphis’ success on the offensive end this season truly is inexplicable. |
 Last Week (3) |
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Cleveland CavaliersLeBron James is older these days, which just means he’s a sage alien. |
Last Week (4) |
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Houston RocketsAlways wear a cup around James Harden. |
Last Week (5) |
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Oklahoma City ThunderRussell Westbrook almost averaged a triple-double for the month of February. Yeah. |
Last Week (6) |
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Portland Trail BlazersThe Arron Afflalo version of the Blazers has been…meh. |
Last Week (10) |
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Los Angeles ClippersOne word to describe Chris Paul’s effort in the wake of Blake Griffin’s absence: Inspiring. |
Last Week (9) |
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Dallas MavericksDirk Nowitzki’s three-point percentage hasn’t been this low in…10 years. |
Last Week (8) |
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San Antonio SpursLadies and gentlemen, the Spurs are heating up. Again. |
Last Week (11) |
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Chicago BullsNo Derrick Rose? No Jimmy Butler? The basketball gods must really want Tom Thibodeau to get fired. |
Last Week (7) |
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Toronto RaptorsWe’ve reached the point in the season when it’s become clear the Raptors aren’t contenders, prompting us to instead consider what free agents they could woo. |
Last Week (12) |
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Milwaukee BucksPlayoffs Michael Carter-Williams. Bring it on. |
Last Week (13) |
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Washington WizardsSomeone put a B.O.L.O. out for the Wizards. They’re on the run, actively trying to evade title contention. |
Last Week (14) |
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Miami HeatEven without Chris Bosh, you do not want to face the Heat in the first round of the playoffs. |
Last Week (15) |
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Indiana PacersIndiana has the league’s best record since Feb. 1. Holy shit. |
Last Week (19) |
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Brooklyn NetsHere’s a complete breakdown of the Nets’ on-court identity: ?????????? |
Last Week (18) |
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New Orleans PelicansLet’s take a moment to appreciate that the Pelicans are above .500 despite being heavy on injuries and light on talent not named Anthony Davis. |
Last Week (16) |
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Boston CelticsIsaiah Thomas is having a crazy nice impact on Boston’s offense. |
Last Week (20) |
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Utah JazzUtah has beaten Memphis, San Antonio and Portland in the last 10 days. Wow. |
Last Week (21) |
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Charlotte HornetsFew things are as painful to watch as Charlotte’s offense. |
Last Week (22) |
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Detroit PistonsReggie Jackson is doing a good job of showing the Pistons why they SHOULDN’T re-sign him. |
Last Week (17) |
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Phoenix SunsThe Goran Dragic-less version of Markieff Morris has been fun. |
Last Week (23) |
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Sacramento KingsWho needs DeMarcus Cousins and Darren Collison when you have Andre Miller and Jason Thompson? The Kings. |
Last Week (25) |
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Denver NuggetsCorrect, firing Brian Shaw moved the Nuggets up this ladder. It’s the one thing they’ve done this season that makes legit sense. |
Last Week (26) |
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Orlando MagicOne of the Magic or Nuggets better hire Mike D’Antoni. Just saying. |
Last Week (25) |
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Minnesota TimberwolvesAndrew Wiggins is running away with the Rookie of the Year award and isn’t looking back—except to, you know, moon his distance competitors. |
Last Week (27) |
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Los Angeles LakersBold prediction: The Lakers will land one of Kevin Love, Marc Gasol, Paul Millsap or Dragic this summer. |
Last Week (28) |
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New York KnicksAlexey Shved is receiving consistent playing time. Enough said. |
Last Week (30) |
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Philadelphia 76ersR.I.P. JaVale McGee Philadelphia Era.
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Last Week (29) |
