Good lord, the NBA playoff picture is a mess.
Last week’s power rankings aren’t irrelevant, but they kind of are. The top- and bottom-most teams tend to stay put, but it’s the other 20 or so teams sandwiched in-between them that keep moving up and down, then up, then down, the ladder.
In the Western Conference, we have a crap ton of teams jostling for playoff positioning. The Spurs and Mavericks are confusing, but still threatening; the Blazers have fallen on hard times; the Thunder are riding Russell Westbrook into the postseason; and the Clippers are, well, the Clippers. The West also has certain lottery-bound teams throwing a wrench in things, what with the Suns, Nuggets and Jazz all deciding to play winning basketball now of all times.
In the Eastern Conference, we have a sub-optimal bloodbath. The chase for the final two playoff spots is getting hypercompetitive, which is to say, super ugly. Right now, it looks like the Celitcs and Heat will nab them. This time next week, none of what I just wrote may be true.
Lucky for you, we’re to make sense of it all. Temporarily, that is. Because before you even read this, it’s probably outdated. Such is life this time of year.
Still, screw it. We rank on anyway.
To the power rankings bobsled!
*Welcome back to The Hoop Doctors’ PG-13 NBA Power Rankings, where almost anything goes. Language may sometimes not be suitable for those reading at work, in which case I recommend you don’t read these aloud or you get a new job. Like most PG-13 movies, we’ll permit one F-bomb per post. Those devoid of a sense of humor need not proceed.
***For a week by week list of all our NBA Power Rankings this season, please visit this page.
NBA Power Rankings
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Golden State WarriorsBest MVP argument for Stephen Curry yet comes from Twitter user Ben Shelton: “Last night’s Dubs game was embodiment of your Steph as MVP conversation. He crushed their souls and then rested.” |
Last Week (1) |
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Cleveland CavaliersThis just in: The Cavaliers are really good. This also just in: There’s a difference between Kevin Love and LeBron James needing to clear the air, and Kevin Love feeding LeBron James voodoo dolls to Komodo dragons. |
Last Week (3) |
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Atlanta HawksAll of me feels dirty moving the Hawks down, but hey, there’s nothing clean about power rankings. |
Last Week (2) |
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Houston RocketsDwight Howard’s return will either ruin James Harden’s mojo or increase it tenfold. Stay tuned. |
Last Week (4) |
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Los Angeles ClippersUm, the Clippers have been semi-good on the defensive end since the trade deadline. Let’s talk about this. |
Last Week (5) |
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San Antonio SpursLook, I know the Spurs play by their own rules, but this season has been a special, indeterminable kind of roller coaster. Still, they’re freaking scary. |
Last Week (6) |
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Memphis GrizzliesAfter a negligible slump, the Grizzlies are back, winning in ugly fashion, without giving a damn. |
Last Week (7) |
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Oklahoma City ThunderRussell Westbrook is a point guard/megastar/cyborg. |
Last Week (12) |
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Dallas MavericksOh, hey, the Mavericks beat the Spurs. But lost to the Suns. And barely beat the Magic. Yup, they’re still weird. |
Last Week (7) |
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Toronto RaptorsIs DeMar DeRozan overrated? Only insofar as he’s viewed as an actual star. |
Last Week (13) |
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Chicago BullsPrediction: The Bulls will finish with the East’s third-best record despite all their injuries. Followup Prediction: The Bulls will then can Tom Thibodeau. |
Last Week (14) |
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Portland Trail BlazersTough sledding in Portland. If it weren’t for owning an irreversible divisional lead, the Blazers would be screwed out of a top-four playoff spot. |
Last Week (9) |
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Phoenix SunsSo the Suns are once again closer to that No. 8 seed than the Pelicans. Who saw that coming this side of the trade deadline? |
Last Week (20) |
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New Orleans PelicansHonestly, if the Thunder aren’t going to be at full strength come playoff time, it would make more sense for the Pelicans to be in the Big Dance. That said, Anthony Davis’ teammates are, by and large, doing everything in their power to ensure that doesn’t happen. |
Last Week (10) |
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Miami HeatKhris Middleton and Erik Spoelstra are no longer friends. |
Last Week (16) |
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Washington WizardsThat thing you smell is the Wizards offense. |
Last Week (11) |
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Boston CelticsIf Isaiah Thomas, you know, ever gets healthy, locking up the East’s No. 8 seed should be no problem for Boston. |
Last Week (20) |
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Utah JazzWhile the Jazz have cooled off of late, it’s time to ask a serious question: Will they join the Pelicans in contending for the West’s No. 8 seed next season? |
Last Week (15) |
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Charlotte HornetsCharlotte looks stuck—not in the sense it has plateaued, but in the sense it’s not all that good and in need of a thorough offseason makeover |
Last Week (21) |
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Milwaukee BucksMiddleton’s game-winner over the Heat off a broken play pretty much sums up Milwaukee’s season. |
Last Week (19) |
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Denver NuggetsPer NBA.com, since Melvin Hunt took over, the Nuggets rank 10th in offensive efficiency, 10th in defensive efficiency and sixth in net rating. Wow. |
Last Week (22) |
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Indiana PacersWell, so much for the Pacers sneaking into the playoffs. They’re only a game out of the picture, but a six-contest losing streak has them looking vulnerable. |
Last Week (18) |
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Detroit PistonsDetroit has won three in a row, during which time Reggie Jackson is shooting better than 50 percent from the floor. Here’s to the Pistons still confusing people. |
Last Week (25) |
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Sacramento KingsMan, DeMarcus Cousins really isn’t shy about tearing the Kings a new one in public. #Respect |
Last Week (26) |
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Brooklyn NetsThat thing you smell may also be the Nets. |
Last Week (23) |
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Orlando MagicOrlando is running at the speed of a sloth gone comatose. |
Last Week (24) |
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Philadelphia 76ersNew Sixers slogan: Together we build. Forever. And ever. And ever still. |
Last Week (27) |
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Los Angeles LakersJordan Clarkson looks like a real NBA player. I repeat: Jordan Clarkson looks like a real NBA player. |
Last Week (28) |
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Minnesota TimberwolvesZach LaVine’s jumper is coming along nicely. He looks like a super computer straight out of the 1980s when he shoots it, but it’s coming along. |
Last Week (30) |
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New York KnicksGiven the option of drafting Jahlil Okafor, Karl Anthony-Towns or D’Angelo Russell, the Knicks would prefer to trade for Luc Longley. |
Last Week (29) |