Sour patch watermelons go a long way.
Remember that, NBA teams, the ones planning on recruiting free agents between now and the end of time. It’s important.
Owner Michael Jordan has slowly, surely put his Charlotte Hornets on the map. They’ve gone from lost laughingstock to playoff team and intriguing free-agent destination, the latter of which is unmistakably awesome. In the last two years alone, they’ve snatched Al Jefferson and Lance Stephenson.
Sam Amick of USA Today took an in-depth look at how they’ve been getting it together. Part of his focus lied in this summer’s free agency, where before signing Stephenson, they pursued restricted free agent Gordon Hayward.
With candy.
From Amick:
The Hayward courting, specifically, was yet another sign this organization was in good working order with Jordan at the helm. Hayward was ecstatic at the prospect of heading for Charlotte. The candy awaiting him inside his hotel room on his visit to town didn’t set a bad tone, either.
“Watermelon Sour Patch in some little bowls,” Hayward tells USA TODAY Sports. “Just little things like that.
“They went all out.”
Aw, how cute. It’s simply adorable that Hayward considers bowls of candy going all out. Never mind the four-year $63 million offer they tendered. Candy is dandy. It’s the key to a point forward’s soul.
Yes, that sounds corny and stupid. It makes you hope that the Hornets did, in fact, do other things. Like fluff his pillow. Or iron his boxer briefs. Or make him his own special shampoo derived from the ingredients of sour patch watermelons. Or let him have dessert early, at the risk of spoiling his dinner. Or permitting him to watch TV after said dinner on a school night. All that good stuff.
Real talk: This is probably what happens during free agency. It’s more than scheduled meetings, rehearsed diatribes and practiced handshakes. Every detail of a player’s trip matters, from the complimentary food to the brand of bubble bath to the car ride to the meeting to the meeting itself. It all matters.
Why do you think the Los Angeles Lakers put up billboards for Dwight Howard in 2013? Why do you think the Houston Rockets displayed images of Carmelo Anthony in Jeremy Lin’s jersey? It’s all part of the courting process.
(Related: None of those things worked.)
As for why the Hornets didn’t give Hayward his own billboard, I have no answer. Maybe you don’t do that for restricted free agents, since incumbent teams are likely to match any offer sheet you provide, just like the Utah Jazz ultimately did.
Or maybe the Hornets just knew their mark.
Some guys want posters and billboards. Others want teams to grovel.
A select few man-childs, though, are content with bowls of artificially flavored, watermelon-shaped shaped candy that enters their mouth, travels down their esophagus, then settles in the deepest, darkest, most sensitive part of their heart.
Dan Favale is a firm believer in the three-pointer as well as the notion that defense doesn’t always win championships. His musings can be found at Bleacherreport.com in addition to TheHoopDoctors.com.
