Friday 29th March 2024,
The Hoop Doctors

How Are You Keeping a Straight Face McGee?

By now we know Washington Wizards center JaVale McGee has the wingspan of a pterodactyl and freakish athleticism that lends hope to believe he’ll one day make a difference in the NBA. Then things like this in the video below happen, substituting any idea of progress with the hope that McGee doesn’t wake up on Sunday afternoon for a Friday night tipoff.

Purely off-the-rocker yet simply amazing. The lack of any close connection to the Wizards franchise means that for me, something like this occurring in a professional basketball game full of professional, serious basketball players is so uncalled for, so air-headed that it instantly becomes absolutely hilarious. Much like this one, from a few weeks ago:

I’d imagine you could watch a lot of NBA basketball before seeing something that’s so mystifying you can’t help but laugh your confusion away — John Wall’s perplexed reaction may actually be the most comical part of the possession, because that’s what we were all thinking too, John.

Earlier this week, former Wizard Gilbert Arenas said in an excellent interview that his whole Agent Zero identity was a creation, one that he consciously worked on and shaped into a public figure. Maybe McGee, with his penchant for the ridiculous supported by more than just these two recent examples, is trying to build something of his own. Maybe he wants to be the Wild Card on an awful team, making sure that whoever is still watching keeps their guard up. You never know when JaVale McGee is going to try and put a lob in off his forehead Premier League-style, then run back down the floor as stoic as if he’s in the middle of a morning jog, so you best tune in.

Really, it wouldn’t be the worst marketing strategy for this Wizards team, so long as McGee can continue selling the “I’m not sure what you’re speaking of, what do you mean?” notion of his play. If he lets on that he’s in on the joke, these quick bursts of craziness become less funny because we would know for sure they lack spontaneity, and that he’s probably doing all he can to hold his own laughter in.

It’s a tenuous position indeed. If McGee is trying to get the word out this way, nobody can know, for that ruins the magic. Alternatively, with one year left on his current deal, if McGee is trying to send some sort of not-so-subtle message to the Wizards’ brass to release him from this stagnant situation in Washington (that he might have had a hand in shaping) well, it’s probably not the best way to go about it, especially as far as other possible suitors are concerned.

Of course, maybe this is just reading too deep into the whole JaVale McGee situation. There’s always the possibility that there is no identity quietly being formed (purposely, at least) and that McGee is just out there, Jerry, unable to bottle these actions up long enough for us to forget the last one. In fact, I almost forgot already about when he got benched this season for doing this on the fast break while he team was losing:

However it’s happening doesn’t really matter, I guess; in the end the process of attempting to explain JaVale McGee and what he does is part of the fun*, the other part being watching and waiting for the next moment of glory by absurdity.

* – Provided you are not a Wizards fan. If you are, I can see where this would be not so fun at all.

Griffin Gotta contributes to The Hoop Doctors and is a co-managing editor of Straight Outta Vancouver. The story arcs and infinite weirdness of the NBA are addictions he deals with every day. Email him at griffingotta at gmail dot com.

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