Top Five Wacky Reasons the Lakers had no chance!

June 14th, 2008 – Dr. Dime

I predicted the Celtics to win this series before it began. To be quite honest I think they have a stronger team dynamic, more heart, and far superior defense. Although the style of play has changed dramatically in the NBA over the past few years to a more up-tempo, run and gun, fan friendly game, defense still wins championships. Although there have been many highly offensive teams make it deep in the playoffs over the past few years, the ultimate champion still remains the team that can play lock down defense. Think about your most recent champions: San Antonio Spurs, Miami Heat, and Detroit Pistons. All of which are primarily defensive ball clubs, who grind it out possession by possession to get a win.

But as much as I appreciate having my prediction for the Celtics winning the series and title coming true to validate my clairvoyance, I don’t believe in the least bit, half of the wacky and silly reasons being discussed all over the blogosphere as to why the Lakers are down 3-1 in this series and most likely will be the runner’s up. Celtics fans, realize one thing when you make these comments, you are discrediting and taking away from the legitimacy of your team’s win by citing weird and obscure reasons for the Lakers tanking. Why not state “Celtics are a better team?” Instead here are some of the weirdest, wackiest but most commonly discussed reasons I’ve heard for the Lakers inevitable loss in the 2008 NBA Finals:

1. Kobe Bryant is not Michael Jordan – You’re just figuring that out now? I am pretty sure he’s Kobe Bryant. The man who scored 81 points in a single ball game in the modern era. He may not be as great as Jordan, but who cares he never to my knowledge said he was Michael Jordan. Let the man be. Enjoy is on the court brilliance. He is human, he does have sub-par games. Let it go.
2. Pau Gasol has an ugly beard and is “soft” in the paint – What does his beard have to do with anything. And since when did good looks become a factor in a series or in a basketball game? If this was a modeling contest, I’m pretty sure the Celtics would lose because they have Sam Cassell on their squad. I love “Sam I am” but damn you are not the prettiest player in the league.
3. Kobe and the Lakers are alcoholics – Pretty sure Kobe was joking when he said the Lakers were going to have a bunch of beers and shots and drink away their sorrows. Have we become so obsessed with the celebrity aspect of sports that we have to take every word they say literally like they aren’t even human? And speaking of human…are you telling me no athlete in the world is allowed to drink?
4. The “Zen Master” Phil Jackson cancels practices for the Lakers to sleep off hangovers – The Zen Master is tied with Auerbach as the NBA Coach with the most ring in history.. Whatever the heck he does with his team, is obviously working okay! Hey Celtics fans, I am pretty sure Red used to have some fairly quirky and odd tendencies in his days as coach of the Celtics. Just be thankful Phil hasn’t taken his lead and started calling opposing players hotel rooms in the middle of the night to interrupt their sleep before big games.
5. Sasha Vujacic is a baby who cries when the Celtics score baskets – For anyone who has questioned the masculinity of Vujacic because he showed passion and emotion for the game late in Game 4, you have to consider the competitive nature of professional sports. After all the long hours these guys put into training, day in and day out, week after week, month after month, for a shot at playing in the NBA Finals to realize their life-long dream of winning an NBA Championship, and seeing it slip away in a matter of minutes on a few bad team possessions. Hell yeah, crying is probably pretty natural at that point. P.S. have you seen some of the girls this guy has dated? I hardly question his manhood.

Now that we have that nonsense straightened out, let’s get on with watching the close of this great season with one of the better NBA Finals i’ve seen in quite a while.

Game 5 @ 9pm EST on Sunday June 15th.